Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
