I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
