he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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