Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
