eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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