Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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