why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
