Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
