i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
