she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
