Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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