Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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