Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
