Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
