I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
