where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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