a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
