i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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