Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize