The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
