So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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