oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
