i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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