how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My bed smells like the plague
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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