Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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