tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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