I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
