Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
