I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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