I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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