Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
