the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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