I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Your dad touched me again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
