so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
People in love make me want to vomit
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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