i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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