I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
