yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
