I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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