tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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