I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
