4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
