In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
