there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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