god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
