I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
