Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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