Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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