My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
