listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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