This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
