Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
