i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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