Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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