I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
