Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
