so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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