first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
sex in a hospital.. check
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
