i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize