I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
