Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
