you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
