I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
