I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
