There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize