ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
