im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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