His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
