If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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